


Allure of the Night

by Omoni



Category: Slayers (anime)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-21
Updated: 2010-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-12 19:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omoni/pseuds/Omoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when, several decades later, Xellos returns to greet Lina, who has aged but has not changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Writer's Note: If any of you reading this are familiar with my writing, you'll know that I'm a die-hard Lina/Gourry fan. So, you ask, why the hell are you writing Lina/Xellos? Simple: Because I can, because it's different, and because it's fun. You WILL note, however, that if you look closely, there ARE a few L/G undertones...but only if you squint!
> 
> Special thanks go to Mistress Gwen for her help with a particular roadblock within this fic. And, just in case you couldn't guess, this fic has no relation to my other fics, nor does it have any reference to Revolution.

The explosion went off without a hitch. It rocked the night, lighting it almost as bright as daylight. However, instead of birdsong, screams filled the air.

As if in reply, another explosion rocked the hillside, sending more screams into the cold breeze.

In a flurry of panic, the bandits that had inhabited the now-ablaze campsite ran around and about and sometimes collided into one-another. They all knew, from word of mouth, what an explosion of magic meant, and who it usually introduced. Now all they wanted was to get the hell out of there before she showed up.

Too late.

Lina Inverse walked calmly into the campsite, despite the fact that she was surrounded by flames. She chose the conveniently unlit pathway that graced the exact middle of the campsite.

Coincidence? Of course not.

Xellos Metallium, sole servant and Priest of Greater Beast Zelas, watched idly from the Astral Plane, his form invisibly straddling both sides, as his favourite human wreaked havoc on the lowest form of humanity possible.

Lina was pleasurable to watch for two reasons. The first was obvious: Just by merely being partially in the Physical Plane, Xellos received as much nourishment from the panic, fear, and pain that she caused in one night than he would in an entire week on his own. It was a free, full meal, and, of course, watching humans make idiots of themselves was also a bonus.

The second reason was less obvious, but only because it was completely private. Not even his master knew the second reason.

Of course, it wasn't that he was in love with Lina. That idea alone was not only impossible, it was insulting. Xellos had been alive for centuries, so he had heard (and heard and heard) the horrible, sugary ballads that human minstrels composed to make their money, the ones about those of humanity and those of the demonic race falling into a love that could not be.

If anyone really knew anything about the Monster Race, it was that no matter how much a human tried to put a romantic spin on things to earn a coin, Monsters simply couldn't love. The idea not only nauseated them, but it even weakened them. It was an emotion that they simply could not feel.

No, it wasn't love. But it was definitely obsession. Infatuation. Attraction. There was something about Lina, something about the way she stood without fear, amongst hardened men twice her age, outnumbered by dozens, not even hesitating to throw around her power, not even hesitating to taunt her victims and laugh gaily at it, when women her age, in normal towns, would laugh that way when speaking to a male she liked...it all was very, very alluring.

Yes, it was definitely something like kinship he felt towards her. Something about the way the flames made her hair shine like copper, the way her red eyes flashed with pure joy at such destruction...sometimes he wondered if she realised how much like a Monster she looked, and how dangerous she was because of that.

He watched her. He enjoyed her. All without coming within a foot of her. And it was the purest pleasure he could possibly taste.


	2. Chapter One

Age. Time. Life.

These things go on, at paces that vary from person to person, often destroying the illusion that time is of only one denomination.

Lina Inverse knew the sufferings of time all too well. Years upon years passed by, and while she was touched by it, the speed at which she was touched was much slower than those around her. Friends, family, even rivals, all aged before her faster than she could keep up with, while she continued to age painfully slow.

It wasn't uncommon among sorcerers, especially those of Black Magic. Exposure to the raw powers of life, constantly coursing through one's veins, touching one's skin, being breathed in and out of the body daily... there were bound to be consequences for such a thing.

Lina's consequence was long life.

She didn't waste it, however. She lived as richly as she could. When Dark Lords fell, when bandits blew up, all was from her hand.

And she hadn't been alone. During the years, she and Gourry had grown close. Very close. When it became obvious just how close they had indeed become, Lina decided that, for now, she was bored of travelling, and for now, she would settle down with Gourry.

They lived their lives together. Lina really and truly loved him, with all of her heart. He was infuriating, oblivious, and incredibly dense, but she loved him.

As the years went by, however, it became obvious that Lina wasn't aging at a normal rate. Her friends all around her were getting older, but by the time they were well into their forties and fifties, she looked no older than her mid to late twenties. Even Zelgadis, within his magically constructed body, was more affected by age than she was.

She tried not to let it bother her. She continued to live as well as she could, as normally as she could. But as she watched Gourry teeter into age, watched him become older and older, while she merely aged a bit, it eventually got to her. It made her rougher, edgier.

Soon, when time finally took its toll, and it swept Gourry up into its rivers, the impact of it all was staggering to Lina. For several years following his death, she wandered, aimlessly, numb to all that was around her and not really looking for anything.

She wondered, deep down, why she had been cheated of a normal life.

After the third year, when she found herself alone in a deserted, dark cave, the cold damp air seemed to snap her out of it, and she managed to assert her lust for life over her despair. She took to the roads again, but quietly, without her usual passion.

It was only when she heard of Amelia's passing that she started to take her emotions out on bandits again. Because of the fact that she was twice as old as she looked, and thus still easy to recognise, soon, her fame resurfaced, her name uttered in fear.

Decades later, after Xellos first admitted that he was infatuated, his favourite human ended her sabbatical and had jumped back into the fray. And he decided that now was the time to welcome her to the bittersweet reality of long life.

X X X

Lina walked out of the slightly smouldering palace, lugging a heavy and overflowing sack behind her. It was so heavy that she had to drag it, but, she knew, she had the time to waste, as anyone who had lived in or near the palace was either dead or wishing they were dead.

They had asked for it, Lina thought, gritting her teeth and pulling harder on the cords that tied the sack closed. She had heard of these aristocratic fatcats, the type of people that actually took from the poor, instead of just hoarding their own wages or stealing from other rich people like a normal person would.

Over the last couple of years, when she had snapped out of her years-long reverie, she had made it her business to ferret out and practically eviscerate people like these. Some of the wealth she found she would take, like the sack of goods she was having such trouble with now. The rest, however, she would leave for the people that had been so royally screwed over the years.

When the rich had caught on to her scheming, they had thought to try and hire sorcerers of their own to counter her, but despite their attempts, she was always much faster and stronger than anyone they could find.

"Stupid heavy things," she grumbled, dropping the cords and giving the sack a kick. She paused to push her bangs out of her eyes and catch her breath.

"Greetings, Miss Lina," a voice called out.

Lina's chest sudden went tight. She knew that voice, and would know it anywhere.

Lately, it was getting harder and harder to meet up with people she had known when she was younger, and this time it was no different.

Xellos stepped out from his hiding spot to her left, his features lit by the dull half-moon. He, too, was unmarked by the passing of time, although his was far more significant. She looked at least thirty, whereas he didn't look a day over twenty, the same as when she met him.

He watched her reaction, and felt it. Fear and anger, accompanied by a twinge of intense sadness that came and went quicker than he thought was possible. Watching her face, however, the only thing that betrayed these feelings was a slight narrowing of her eyes. Her expression was carefully cool, a mask of content.

She stood there for a moment, staring at him, and he calmly looked back. The silence between them wasn't strained, and, fleetingly, Lina wondered if it should have been.

Finally, she shrugged, leaned down, and grabbed onto the cords again, resuming her tug-of-war. "What do you want this time, Xellos?" she said as she pulled.

Xellos smiled. At least she was the same in personality. "What makes you think I want anything?"

Lina looked up and rolled her eyes. "Please? Do you think we just met or something?" she demanded.

Xellos stayed close to her side, matching her pace. "Of course not, Miss Lina," he chirped.

"So then," she growled, mostly from the strain of her tugging than her annoyance, "do you really think I buy that cock and bull story about not wanting anything?"

Xellos couldn't help himself. "A sentence is hardly a story, Miss Lina."

Lina dropped the cords and straightened up. He felt her anger before she lunged forward, and when she grabbed him by the front of his robes, the emotion coursed all around him. He was surprised. He had had no idea that she could get so angry.

"What do you want this time, Xellos?" she asked again through clenched teeth. Her voice was quiet, but her eyes blazed like the fires she liked to throw around so much.

Xellos sighed, giving up. Lina sensed this, and let go. Seeing him again, even touching his robes that weren't really robes, sent memories shivering through her at an alarming rate. It was painful, but it was also welcoming. She didn't want to forget.

"Speak," she snapped.

Xellos nodded. In a fluid move, he leaned down and grabbed up the sack of loot like it was filled with pillows, slinging it over his shoulder. When she opened her mouth to protest, he interrupted. "Shall we have some tea, Miss Lina?"

Lina gaped at him. "Tea?" she repeated, her voice flat. "You came here, after all of these years, to invite me to tea?"

Xellos smiled wider. "To catch up, of course," he replied. He started walking past her, towards the village nearby.

Lina stared after him. Did she really want to follow? Yes, he had her loot, but there was always more where that came from, and she had the cynical notion that he had taken it not to be helpful, but to ensure that she would follow.

But then, what else did she have to do?

Lina sighed, deeply, then jogged after him and caught up to him. When she did, she flashed him a smile, one that she used to send her enemies into fearful convulsions. Too bad that, to Xellos, it was merely alluring, instead of terrifying.

"You're on," she agreed. "But I'm hungry, and you're paying."

Xellos opened one eye. "Whatever you say, Miss Lina," he agreed with a smile.


	3. Chapter Two

As they walked, Xellos eyed Lina from the corner of his eye. She was the picture of calm, her eyes focussed ahead, her stride confident, her mouth a perfect line of apathy. It was the string of disjointed emotions that shifted through the air like a heady miasma that had him looking closer for physical hints of her distress. The only indication of anything less than calm was the darkness in her eyes. In all of his years spent watching her, he didn't remember her eyes looking so full of shadows.

She finally noticed his sidelong gaze. "What?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes at him.

He smiled. "Nothing, nothing at all," he replied. "Just noticing how you've changed over the years."

Lina smiled. The smile was almost wistful. "I've hardly changed a bit, and you know it."

"We can discuss that delicate subject once we've sat down," was his answer.

Lina nodded slowly, the smile remaining. "Ah, so that's what this is," she said softly, her voice so quiet that even he had trouble hearing her. To her credit, however, she remained silent for the duration of their walk.

Xellos chose a dusty little cafe on the edge of the town, one that, upon seeing Lina, opened its doors with flourish, despite the late hour. The owner, a robust woman, fluttered happily over Lina's obliteration of the mansion and the recovery of the goods that had been stolen, and declared that anything Lina wanted was on the house.

Xellos was momentarily forgotten as this sudden development. Lina, in her delight, clapped her hands together, grabbed up a menu, and dragged her finger down the list of the dishes she wanted. Clearly, Xellos mused, _that_ much hadn't changed. And clearly, despite her newfound fame, her appetite was less reputed. The owner of the cafe paled, but shakily took the order, mumbling under her breath as she walked away.

Lina picked a table near the window. Before Xellos sat down, she was already seated and settled.

"Out with it," she said, her voice stern. "What do you want?"

Xellos paused, about to sit down. He placed the sack of goods on the spare chair beside Lina, but he remained standing. She looked up at him, and he could tell, with amusement, that it grated on her nerves that she had to look up at him. He decided to remain standing for a bit longer.

"Just a friendly chat, Miss Lina," he replied.

Lina sighed, rolling her eyes. She ran a hand through her bangs slowly, tiredly. "You know, Xellos," she said softly, her eyes shut, her hand still tangled in her hair, "I'm not as patient as I used to be."

Xellos feigned shock. "You were patient before?"

Lina scowled at him. "Moreso than I am now!" she snapped. She reached over, grabbed onto the front of his robes, and pulled downwards. He could have fended her off easily, but he decided that he had dragged the gag out long enough, and sat down.

They both waited until the owner had brought drinks before continuing their conversation. Bluntly, her mouth and nose hidden by her mug of tea, she stated, "You know I haven't been aging like I should." It wasn't a question.

Xellos cupped his hands around his own mug, but didn't drink. "I can't say it's evaded my notice," he agreed.

Lina took a long gulp of her tea, as a bluff. She couldn't think of anything else to say. It was disconcerting. She had grown accustomed to living on her own, after so many years of being surrounded by friends and loved ones. She never thought she would be able to live with the pain of that loss, but now that she felt she finally had, Xellos came and shattered it all, with his familiarity and his false cheer.

 _Or is it false?_ She peered at him over the rim of her mug. He was smiling idly, but, his eyes were half-open. Usually that would be a sign to feel nervous, but she sensed no bloodlust, his or otherwise, and she sensed no malevolence, either. _Even a Monster of his level would have trouble masking things like that, wouldn't they?_

Xellos savoured in the silence, slyly probing Lina's mind for hints to her emotional state. He knew it was less than considerate, invading on private feelings, but then, what was the point in being an empath if you couldn't use it for your own gain?

Besides, the shifts and dips that Lina's emotions tended to regulate in were unpredictable, and that was something of a delicacy to him. Her thoughts had always held a degree of messiness and irregularity, but over the years, he found that while they had been tamed to some degree, there was still that same ribbon of chaos that spiced her thoughts. It made simply sitting with her as she stewed one of the greatest pleasures he had ever experienced.

"Say something," Lina suddenly snapped, her eyes flashing. "Your silence pisses me off."

Xellos smiled slowly. The simple expression sent a chill down her spine, only getting worse when his eyes opened and settled on hers easily.

"You're not getting older," he said silkily. "Have you ever wondered why?"

Lina felt the blood leave her face. It was something that was involuntary, something that she couldn't control, no matter how many years she had tried to. She lowered her eyes to her mug.

"Sometimes I wonder," she said, her voice so soft that Xellos had to lean in close to hear her. "I wonder if it's some kind of punishment, some kind of divine intervention for abusing black magic all the time."

Xellos didn't say anything, so she went on, her eyes not even seeing the tea in her mug anymore. All she could see was Gourry's eyes. "Because I kept messing with the balance of things, as a result, I have to watch everyone around me die."

When she didn't continue, Xellos leaned in even closer. He reached forward and pressed a finger onto the rim of her mug, pushing it down to the table. The action forced her gaze away, and she looked up at him. The pain he felt from her was so overwhelming that he wanted to lean back again from the weight of it, but something in her gaze stopped him. Nothing on her face betrayed her turmoil, all except her eyes: the colour was dull, and dark.

"After all of these years," he found himself saying, without knowing why. "You should know better than to think that the gods give a shit about what everyone does or does not do."

Lina's eyes wavered for a moment, and he wondered if she was going to weep. He couldn't deny that her pain felt good to him, but he also couldn't deny that he would rather feast on her anger instead.

"Then why am I still here?" she said, her voice thick. "Why am I still here, all alone?"

Xellos smiled, making sure that his smile was sardonic. "I had no idea I was invisible," he answered sulkily, making a little pout.

Lina looked up at him, surprised. She smiled, then laughed. The laugh was small; not at all the same as her usual, triumphant laughs, but it was a victory all the same. He wasn't sure why it mattered so deeply to him that she smile instead of cry, especially since a smile wouldn't satisfy his eternal hunger. But matter it did.

Lina didn't want to admit it, but that small laugh was perhaps the first real laugh she had uttered in many, many years. It had started as a bubble in her gut, before it just jumped up and erupted from her mouth. It felt good. Really good.

She wanted to ask him, _Why are you here? What do you want? What mission are you on this time?_ The words just wouldn't come out. She just couldn't bring herself to utter the. It was pathetic, but she found that it didn't matter why Xellos was suddenly back. She shared a history with him, both good and bad. It was a relief to be able to talk to someone who understood her past, even if Xellos wasn't exactly a friend.

The silence that followed was an amicable one. Lina wondered if she should have filled it with something, but in the end, she couldn't find anything else to say.

After a few moments, Lina's order arrived, carried by a very sullen-looking waitress. Lina dug in, ignoring Xellos as she did so. Sneakily, Xellos was able to grab a few morsels from her plates without her noticing. While he didn't need human food to live, he found that he still enjoyed it occasionally. Especially when it came to sweets.

When she finished, Lina shot a very pointed look to him, and he sighed. He paid for the bill, with some pain, as it was very expensive, and money, while easy to get, was something he preferred to hoard than spend. Once the bill was taken care of, Lina got up, grabbed her burden of a bag, and left, not even looking back to see if he would follow.

Puzzled, Xellos did follow, only to find her standing outside of the café waiting for him, her arms crossed over her chest, her pack at her feet.

"You never did answer my question," she said, her eyes taking on a steely glint. Xellos stopped and turned to her, opening his eyes and meeting her gaze. He knew what question she meant, but he wanted to hear her ask it again.

She sighed, uncrossed her arms, and let them fall to her sides. She looked tired, and for the first time, those vibrant eyes betrayed her true age. "Why are you here, Xellos? After all of this time?" she asked, her voice soft.

Confusion, as well as frustration, floated in the air. But it was the taint of that ever-present pain that got to him, and in the end, he decided to answer directly and truthfully, instead of drawing it out like he usually did.

"To offer you something else to do with your time," he admitted, his voice also quiet. "I think you're wasting your life, playing hero to ingrates and low-lifes who will never appreciate your worth." Her eyebrows shot up, but he went on. "So I've come to offer you an opportunity."

Lina blinked slowly. Then a light when on in her eyes, and her eyebrows went down, in anger, as she smiled, the expression almost like a snarl. She crossed her arms again. "You mean employment," she answered, her voice like a low growl.

Xellos smiled. It was a real smile. It delighted him, how quick she was, and how angry she had suddenly become. It was far better than that pain. "Something like that," he agreed.


	4. Chapter Three

For a moment, Lina didn't say a word. She just stood there, staring at Xellos, her eyes apathetic and blank. She looked so blasé, that for a moment, Xellos wondered if she had fully comprehended what it was that he had just said.

That was, until he felt a shiver in the air that signalled her anger.

She smiled, meanly, then shook her head, shutting her eyes. Without another word, she reached down, picked up, then threw the pack over her shoulder, turned on her heel, and walked away from him, her pace fast and deliberate.

"Wait!" Xellos called, suddenly at a loss for what to do. In all of his years, he had felt a myriad of different emotions, but only a handful of times had he ever felt panic adjacent to the kind he felt at that moment. It was important to him, he realised, very important that she at least heard him out before she said no.

Lina heard the panic in his voice, and was shocked into stopping. Had she ever heard his voice sound like that before? She thought about this, and realised that, no, she hadn't, and found it strange and alarming, all at once.

She froze, but didn't turn around. Her shoulders were high, belying her feelings on the matter, but Xellos refused to let the second chance slip away. Within seconds, he had slipped in and out of the Material Plane, and was once more standing in front of her. She stared at him, unsurprised, but no longer with that smile on her face.

"You could at least hear me out, Miss Lina," he said, pasting a smile on for both their benefits. He felt the need to do so to lower her guard, but also to hide his own sense of urgency.

Lina sighed, deeply. Her entire body just sagged. She tilted to the side, letting her shoulder drop. The pack slid from her shoulder and thudded to the ground. Without another word or a change in her expression, she reached forward, grabbed the side of his mouth, and tugged as hard as she could.

Xellos squawked, his eyes snapping open in shock. Her expression didn't change, but he could feel her amusement as clear as if she had been. Within a second, she grabbed the other side and tugged it as well.

"You and your fake smiles," she growled, her eyes narrowed. She was amused at making a fool of him, but still angry. _Delicious,_ he thought, closing his eyes halfway. "Why can't you ever just be honest with me? Be genuine?"

"Why, Miss Lina, I had no idea it mattered so much to you!" he replied. Despite the joviality in his tone, he was actually serious.

Quite unexpectedly, Lina flushed. Her cheeks, he could tell, were pink. Her eyes widened, and she yanked her hands away, as if touching him was caustic. All of a sudden, like a punch, he felt it.

Grief.

 _Oh..._

Lina jerked away, her eyes narrowed to slits. They glittered in the dull light, her eyebrows lowered, her mouth twisted in a grimace of either pain or fury. Without another word, she almost lunged at her pack and flung it over her shoulder, but she forgot how heavy it was, and misjudged it. The weight of it forced her to stumble.

Without a sound, Xellos darted forward and grabbed her by the elbow, steadying her and keeping her from falling. Lina's heart wrenched again, just as it had when she felt that stab of grief, but she didn't pull away. She let the momentum of both the fall and the catch guide her, and once she stopped, she just stood there, leaning against Xellos's front, her head lowered.

She wasn't quite sure why his question caused her to react painfully. She had an inkling, though. It had been years since she had been able to open up, to allow someone to penetrate her mental guard and get her to express herself. Though some had tried, no one had succeeded.

And yet, suddenly, with his simple demeanour and goofy smile, Xellos had not only gotten through, but shattered any other remaining guards left around her. This was why it was so important to her for Xellos to be real.

Because she already was.

Xellos tugged the pack away from her, and she let him. It dropped loudly, almost in a protest, but both ignored it.

"Why are you here?" she suddenly asked, her voice so soft, it was like a puff of wind tickling his ear. "Really here?"

She felt as well as heard him sigh. _It was so strange_ , she thought, _how he could be so warm and real, and yet all he is is a construct of his own will._

"For purely selfish reasons, I assure you," he replied, surprising her. His tone was neutral, but she could sense no withheld information, no carefully worded phrasing. "It was true what I said about you wasting your life. I totally believe that." He paused, but she didn't move. "But Lord Beastmaster doesn't know I'm here."

Something like shock snaked through her, but only for a moment. For some reason, she felt as if she had known that from the moment she had seen him. "Isn't that dangerous?" she wondered, really very curious on the matter.

She felt him shrug. "I like to live dangerously?" he offered, sounding like his usual self once more.

She smiled.

Xellos could sense the guilt fading, sense that her angst was passing. _The truth comforts her instead of alarms her,_ he realised, _despite the fact that I've admitted that I'm here for myself only. Shouldn't she fear my motives?_

Slowly, she turned around, taking a step away from him. She looked up, her eyes alarmingly bright. "Why should my life matter, Xellos?" she wondered. "Human lives come and go, designed to keep you well-fed and entertained. What's one life?"

Xellos took a breath. Her question made sense, truly made sense, and while he should have answered with, 'Nothing, obviously,' he found that if he did, he would be lying. And lying was something he just couldn't do, especially in front of Lina.

Instead, he hesitated, trying to find the right words to convey what he meant. "In the long run, you're absolutely right," he admitted finally. "Human lives are but a grain of sand in the hourglass of billions upon billions."

She nodded slowly, her eyes dimming.

"But," he continued, his own eyes fixed on something behind her. "Sometimes one of those grains glitter like diamonds, and the shine gets into our eyes, and makes us see them for what they are worth." His eyes fell on hers. "Like you, Miss Lina."

Lina swallowed, hard. Her heart was betraying her, but she let it. Xellos's eyes were too beautiful to look away from, anyway.

It wasn't love, she realised, that she was feeling. It was longing, intense longing, for friendship, for kinship, for company. Since Zelgadis had died, she told herself over and over that she didn't need anyone. She started her travels alone, and she would end them that way.

And yet, despite that, she was still lonely. She would walk through towns, collecting bounties, and catch glimpses of normal life and feel that pang of loneliness.

With Xellos, she truly felt that not only was he being genuine, like she had asked, but that he would be able to fill that gaping void within her heart, a void that hadn't completely healed.

When she met his gaze, she vowed that she would never love him. She could never love anyone like she had loved Gourry. But she would let him into her heart, for a while.

 _Let the world call it a deal with the devil,_ she thought wryly. _What have I got to lose?_

"I won't be waving the Monster flag any time soon, Xellos," she said finally. She reached up and poked him in the chest with her index finger, hard. "So stop asking me."

Xellos was disappointed. He had sensed a change in her, a mental lowering of sorts, and he had truly thought that it had meant he had won her over. _But then,_ he thought, _that would be too easy, and where was the fun in that?_

"However," she continued, surprising him, "if you would like to tag along for a bit, perhaps give me some advice or some leads on good treasure..." she shrugged, then smiled, her smile wide. "I wouldn't protest."

He blinked, and she reached down, grabbed the pack, and shoved it into his chest. "But you have to be my pack mule!" she concluded.

She smiled, the gesture so childlike, so open, that he smiled back. He was starting to think very, very dangerous thoughts because of her; he understood this quite well. The very fact that he was at her side was already dangerous enough.

And yet...he looked at her, truly looked at her. And yet she definitely shimmered, her presence practically demanding attention every second. _She is definitely attractive,_ he decided.

"So," she said, her voice normal once more. She turned away. "It's still night, mostly, so I think I'm going to check in, maybe get a few hours of sleep."

Xellos instantly knew this was a lie. He wasn't sure what it was she was lying about, but there was a lie in there, somewhere. He found it puzzling, but didn't remark on it, nor did he contradict her. He knew the opportunity would come up to ask her at a later time.

"Anyway," she looked over her shoulder at him. "Do you think you could follow me, bring that with you?"

 _And there it is_ , he thought, a shiver slithering through him. It was thrilling, this game they were playing, even if Lina wasn't aware that she was playing it. "Whatever you say, Miss Lina," he replied, smiling.

"Excellent. Let's find the best inn. I'm pretty sure I can bully them into giving me the best room!" She declared this with flourish, but even though her tone was triumphant, it still lingered in the air, like a coating of dust that would not be wiped away.

That pain.

Xellos followed her, listening with half an ear to her chatter. Despite everything, he would find a way to ensure that he never, ever would sense that feeling from her again. And while he wasn't sure why it was so important to him, and while he knew what it wasn't, he found he didn't really need to put a name to it. The act alone would, perhaps, be enough.


	5. Chapter Four

The ground was cold against her skin.

The earth was damp, thick and rich with the smell of the soil. It had rained, Lina remembered, a couple of days ago. The air was still damp with the smell of it.

She dug her fingers deeper into the earth, closing her eyes and trying to bury the pain that had consumed her.

She had been in a daze throughout all of the funeral preparations for Gourry. She had mechanically given instructions, requests, made arrangements with a cold detachment that was worrisome to those around her.

It was only when they started pouring the dirt into the grave that the pain hit her. She just collapsed on the ground, her knees giving out. She watched, dry-eyed, as they buried him, and when it was over, she stood up and walked away, from the graveyard, from her home, from the town. From her entire life.

She had kept walking, without stop, for a long, long time. She couldn't even think of eating or sleeping. There were times that she felt herself just drop from exhaustion and pass out, but when she woke, she would keep going again.

To her, the three years that passed were short. To anyone that saw her, they didn't even recognise her from what she had been all of those years ago. She was a phantom, a shadow, taken as a beggar or a victim of mental deterioration.

It was only when she saw the narrow, hidden cave that she realised she had come to the end of her journey. She buried herself into the farthest corner of the womb of the earth and just shut down.

She didn't know how long it had been since she had moved, but her urge to come out and touch the bare earth was too strong and had broken the exile.

It was just so warm, she found herself thinking, her eyes stinging. She wished she could be under there, she wished she could be with Gourry...

Be dead?

Her eyes snapped open, the vision blurred.

Dead. _Dead._ _DEAD._

Her hands clenched, the earth squeezed between her fingers. Her heart pounded within her breast, like an animal desperate to be free.

He was dead, and she was all alone.

That was the truth.

The truth was like a blow to the stomach. She pushed herself up, on her hands and knees, gasping. Every time the thought echoed in her head, she couldn't think. Her face crumpled, her jaw set, and she shut her eyes. When she could finally breathe, the breaths came out as strangled and choked sobs. And then, when she couldn't take it anymore, all of her pain, the pain she had buried with Gourry, sprang up and pushed its way out, making itself heard in one long, keening wail. The sound tore from her throat, and she dropped again, burying her face into the dirt and sobbing.

For a long time, there was little else. When one hides that much agony for that amount of time within themselves, there can only be that pain, that realisation. But when it faded, as it always does, she lay there, in the comfort of the earth, and knew what she had to do.

She had to live, she thought suddenly. If she gave up, that was it; there was nothing else. She had to keep going, had to keep living, had to keep the story alive.

If she was going to be the last one alive, at least she was ALIVE...

"Oh, Gourry," she whispered, the first time she had spoken in a long, long time. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

X X X

It had been a long time since she had thought of those days. It was always so painful to look back, to see that weakness in herself.

It was strange, Lina thought now, that she was thinking of it at that precise moment, as she walked with Xellos. Perhaps because he was at her side, now, and that she was not only not alone, but with someone from that very painful past, that was the reason for the memory.

It was strange, as well, because it was the first time that she had thought of it without breaking down. Her eyes stung a little, but she didn't want to seclude herself in that pain.

Instead, she just wanted to keep going.

She looked over her shoulder, at Xellos, who carried her sack of booty with a long-suffering look. "Hurry up!" she called. "You may not have a schedule, but I do!"

Xellos stared at her in disbelief. "What else could you possibly have on the agenda for today, Miss Lina?" he wondered, hefting the sack higher onto his shoulder.

Lina blinked, then got a sinister look to her eyes. She closed on, held up one finger, and wagged it. "That is a secret," she sang.

Xellos took it well, but he did twitch. "That was a long time coming, I suppose."

"I'm so glad you approve," Lina sneered. "Step it up!"

She kept walking, making sure not to look back. She knew, somehow, that he would follow her. She knew how persistent he could be when it came to his projects, and even though she had unwillingly become just that, she found that any distraction was a welcome one.

The inn she had chosen was the most expensive-looking one. When she walked in, the person at the desk, a heavy-set and snobby-looking man, jumped and stared at her, clearly recognising her for who she was. With Xellos behind her, she milked it all for what it was worth.

"What do you have for the hero of the village?" she demanded, standing up to her full height and tossing her hair back, grinning.

The man blinked, looking mildly annoyed, but he smiled, all the same. "Why, anything you wish, Miss!" he replied.

Ah, that was more like it, Lina thought. She jumped right into the negotiations for the best room in the inn, making sure that the price was ridiculously discounted and that meals would be half-off.

"And for the man behind you?" the man asked, his eyes on Xellos, who had stood there silently as Lina haggled, his eyes closed. He had a small smile on his face, she saw. She wasn't sure if she was a fan of that, quite yet.

"He won't be staying," she said, surprising Xellos into starting a little. "He's just going to help me with my stuff and then he'll be gone."

"No problem, no problem," the man agreed, his smile looking a bit more...suggestive...than it had before. He held out the key and waggled his eyebrows, and Lina scowled and grabbed it out of his hand. She decided that she was going to steal something from the inn as revenge for having to see that look.

Xellos followed closely behind her, sensing that she was still hiding something that she didn't wish him to know. _Or,_ he thought, _more realistically, what she doesn't want me to find out._

The walk up the stairs and down the hall was done in silence. Lina found that she had nothing to say, even though, she was sure, Xellos was bound to have more to say once they reached the room. Despite this, even though she knew that he was probably, despite what he said, still using her, she still found that she was curious. Despite how pretty he worded it, his contact was purely selfish.

So why, then, was she allowing him to follow her into the room, allowing him to close the door behind him?

Xellos dropped the sack onto the floor and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, making a good show of his efforts. Lina snorted, and he stopped, looking bashful. They both knew that he was far stronger than he let on.

They stood, in silence, several feet apart, the sack of goods between them. The room itself was, while not the best that she had ever seen, was still fairly decent as far as inns went. The room was large, equipped with a reasonably large bed, small desk and chair, and a water closet, There was one large window, complete with a windowseat, which Lina instantly found was worth the cost. She loved windowseats.

Despite the size, with Xellos there, it felt unreasonably small.

"So," Lina said suddenly, brushing past him and sitting down on the chair in front of the desk. She shrugged her mantle and shoulderguards off and unbuckled her dagger as she spoke. "Beastmaster wants a piece of me, huh?" Her boots and socks followed, tossed carelessly aside.

The wording was so ridiculous that Xellos really wanted to laugh, but he didn't. "I thought I had assured you that Lord Beastmeaster had nothing to do with this."

Lina gave him a long, hard look. Her eyes were narrowed and glittering. Before he knew it, he could sense that anger in the air again.

 _That will make it far easier,_ he thought, a small smile on his lips.

The smile instantly sent Lina on edge. "Since when have you ever gone behind your master's back to do anything? Even when you worked for Hellmaster it was by Beastmaster's leave."

"Sometimes, Miss Lina, things aren't always what you think," he answered. It was always a delight to verbally spar with her. She was always so quick and so sharp; she always kept him on his toes, even when he wasn't expecting it.

Lina sat up, rail-straight, her hands on her knees, her eyes full of angry fire. There was a tense silence as she stared right at him, one he couldn't help but enjoy. "No more games, Xellos," she said finally, her voice quiet. "Why are you here? You've told me that you're going behind your master's back for 'purely selfish reasons'. You admit that you want to offer me something, and that it has to do with the fact that I'm not ageing normally." Her eyebrows drew close together. "So what is it?"

Xellos opened his eyes and met her gaze right on, feeling that he at least owed her that. Her eyes flickered a little, but she kept her eyes on his. He had to admire her for that. He knew that meeting his eyes was no easy thing.

Slowly, deliberately, he closed the distance between them, standing right before her as she sat in the chair. She looked up at him, but didn't so much as move or flinch. That was another point in her favour.

He had missed this.

"Ah, Miss Lina," he said softly. He reached forward slowly with one hand, watching her reaction as well as feeling it. He felt a spark of anger, laced with panic, and her eyes flickered from his hand back to his eyes, but she didn't move. Instead she stared him down, as if daring him to put a hand on her, or daring him to hurt her.

 _Doesn't she realise that both are inevitable?_

Carefully, with deliberate, slow strokes, he slid his fingers through the closest lock of hair. Though he had the appearance of wearing gloves, that was all it was: an appearance. He felt the texture of her hair, the softness, and could smell the smoky scent of fire that seemed to follow her around no matter where she went.

Lina froze, careful not to move an inch. While she sensed that perhaps there was nothing malevolent in his gestures, she wasn't willing to take a chance and have her head blown off.

Just touching her hair sent his nerves on edge. He had always felt that way in those few instances of physical contact with her. Those snatches of time, those stolen moments, always sent his senses into thousands of different experiences, something that no emotional feeding could ever match.

He felt it once more, just like he had on that first night, just like he always felt on all the nights following her, watching her. That instant, spicy infatuation. That shrewd, convoluted kinship with her. When he looked into her eyes, he knew what it was that she needed, and while he couldn't give her all of it, and while it was probably the cruelest thing he had ever done, he knew he could at least give her something, anything, that would make her blood boil once more.

Throughout this silence, their eyes never left eachother's gaze. Lina would be damned if she moved first, or gave in first. She had never seen this look on Xellos's face before, and part of her was reasonably suspicious and wary.

The other part, the stronger part, was intrigued. She was entranced by the look he was giving her. It was similar to the look he had given her when she had let him hold her, when she had decided that she would see what Xellos wanted and to hell with the world. It was a hungry look, but not one she was used to seeing on his kind. It was almost as if he was...

The blood rushed to her cheeks, as well as to other places, when her mind concluded that thought. Xellos watched it happen, and decided that now was his chance. He leaned over so that he was eye-to-eye with her, and he looked right into her eyes, making sure that she knew he was sincere. She stared back, her mouth slightly open, looking shocked.

He smiled. He liked that look. He could get used to it.

Casually, he brought his hand away from her hair, the other hand coming up. He cupped her face gently and watched her eyes waver. He could sense that sadness coming back, and it made him angry, the first time in a long time that he had ever felt that way. He had to get rid of that, so that she could be whole again.

Without a word, he brought her face up to his, hesitating just before their lips could touch. He wanted not to force this on her, but to make sure they were on the same page. She hesitated, her eyes flicking downwards from his lips, to his eyes, back again, before she pushed against his hands and closed the space between them.


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's Note: Here's the warning: this chapter contains adult situations. If you squick at lemons or lemon-related material, save yourself the angst and skip this chapter to the next one.

If merely touching Lina was enough to sent his nerves on edge, the direct contact with her lips was enough to send every single fibre of Xellos's being on high-strung, electrified intensity.

It was like he was being consumed by the very fires that Lina commanded. With every second that passed, although it began as a chaste kiss, he felt as if he was the one being consumed, being drawn into her, and he found himself wanting to be devoured.

Lina had to admit that, of all the kisses that she had every had over the years, she really and truly had never had a kiss like this. When the kiss deepened, not by Xellos, but by herself, she realised something about herself: she wanted to control this. She wanted to control Xellos.

Deep down, she knew that she had fallen right into what he wanted, which was to get her into bed (although why a Monster would want to have sex with a human was a mystery to her), but she found herself not caring.

She hadn't been close to anyone in the many years of her exile, with one exception after both Gourry and Amelia had passed away, and she and Zelgadis fell into vulnerable patterns. It had been a mistake, but it was one that she never, in the years that passed since his death, ever regretted.

So when Lina dragged Xellos down closer to her and slid her arms around his neck in a tight vise, she was thrilled to hear a small, surprised groan tear from his throat. She deepened the kiss, almost aggressively, and could feel her breaths coming out faster and faster with each dip and bend. And she wanted more.

Finally, Xellos thought, the waves of passion, lust, and desire coming from Lina so sweet and tantalizing. Finally, something other than that grief, that regret...

Darkly, he wondered if it would come back to either break the mood or once it was done, but before he could even speak of his doubts, Lina's fingers were digging into his back, clutching at the "fabric" of his robes, and his thoughts hazed over from another onslaught of passion.

Still locked in their kiss, Xellos wrapped his arms around Lina and dragged her out of the chair, pulling her right up close to him. She didn't protest or move away; instead, she moved up closer to him, pressing her body right up against his. Xellos had watched human copulation enough times to know what went on, and it wasn't hard for him to apply his own passion and desire into the makings of his corporeal form. Lina's muffled laugh startled him into breaking the kiss.

"You can even make a semblance of _that_ , huh?" she asked breathlessly, her eyes shining and teasing. Xellos smiled, opening his eyes to look right into hers, to taste the full extent of her passion, and to enjoy that it was all for and from _him_. It was enough to send his own breathing into gasps.

"I can live for the moment," he answered, somewhat cryptically. Lina tilted her head to one side, obviously not understanding it, but instead of explaining it, he lunged down for another kiss, one she gratefully fell into.

Although part of her longed to pity herself, to tell herself that she was so starved for love that she was making out with a Monster, the other, better part of her told that part to shut up and let her, for once, in all of these years, feel again, really feel.

She squeezed herself close to Xellos, shutting her eyes and growling against his lips. Xellos responded with a grunt of his own, grabbing onto the backs of her knees and pulling her legs off the floor, wrapping them around his waist. She shifted, making sure that the right places were close enough to give mutual friction, and pushed closer, the jolt of pleasure she received so sweet and real that she wanted to weep from relief; she had been sure she would never feel that kind of pleasure ever again.

Xellos was having a hard time keeping up with her, if he were to be honest. He was overwhelmed by this sudden and intense physical need, and while he knew it had always been there, he was surprised by the degree of it. Hearing her cry out against his lips from pushing against him almost made him lose it; it was such a small sound, but it carried a punch of pure passion and lust that sent him reeling. While these feelings weren't sustenance for him, because they were from her, they were still a sweet success.

Still holding her, Xellos backed up and sat down onto the closest thing: the windowseat. Lina melded right up to him, keeping her legs snugly around his waist, her knees keeping her balanced by using the windowseat's ledge as leverage.

She broke away from the kiss to nuzzle and bite along his neck, something that Xellos definitely hadn't expected. As her bites grew into sharp nipping, something he instantly found himself relishing in, his hands slipped to the back of her shirt, his fingers expertly unhooking the bandeau before tossing it aside.

The act was enough to send a wave of sudden fear through Lina, the extent of what she was doing coming into reality for her, and she hesitated, her lips on his earlobe in mid-bite.

Xellos could feel her hesitation, but he found that he couldn't heed it. His hands went lower, to the tails of her shirt, and he slipped his hands underneath, the feel of her bare skin instantly maddening him. _Even her skin is full of heat,_ he thought, sliding one hand upwards, the other firmly on one hip.

His touch was intense, Lina realised, and it was hard to feel hesitation when it was obvious that they were both after the same thing, but just in different ways. She thought for a moment, concentrating on the feel of Xellos's fingers tracing her ribcage, making his way higher and higher, until-

Any hesitation left her the moment his fingers found her breast and closed over it. She gasped, pulling away from his ear to rear back a little. Slowly, his eyes open and watching her every move, he brushed his palm over the nipple, feeling it harden under his touch. Lina stared back at him, her breathing becoming ragged, her eyes wide and glittering. Not with grief, Xellos noted, but with desire.

He reached up with the other hand and did the same for the other breast, and she grabbed hold of his shoulders, hard, rearing back again. It had been so long, too long, since she had been touched like this. She let go of his shoulders briefly, but only to carelessly unbutton and shrug off her shirt. She tossed it aside, her hands covering his, squeezing and urging him to continue.

In the dim light of the room, Xellos could barely see her, but he could see enough. She was pale, her skin covered in numerous scars from her past battles with his race, some of those fought with him as well as against him. Her breasts were small, but it wasn't as if they were non-existent, and the curve of her hips and belly were, while not the shape and look of a young woman, certainly well-formed in their own right.

 _Her small size is the most convincing ruse that I have ever seen. You would never know what kind of power was within just by looking at her,_ he found himself thinking.

Lina noticed him looking at her, and while she had gotten over her girlish modesty years ago, she still had that self-consciousness that every woman is loath to eliminate from her psyche. She watched him look at her, and when she found that he was taking to long, dug her nails into his forearms and pushed her hips down against his, purposely rubbing her sex against him. The sound that came from his throat was a cross between a squeak and a groan, and she delighted in the sound. She smiled, and he smiled back. Both their smiles said the same thing: _You're mine._

Lina kissed him again, and he returned it. She pressed right up against him once more, and he was likewise overcome with the extent of her emotions. His hands shook with the force of them, and his fingers fumbled with the ties of her pants, tugging them apart and pushing them down around her hips.

Lina shifted, still kissing him on his lips, giving him the benefit of both her tongue and her teeth. She reached down and pushed her pants completely off, and Xellos had to applaud her for not once breaking their kiss while doing so. She only broke away to kick them away, and when she dove back onto him, it was to sink her teeth into his neck.

"Ah," Xellos gasped, gripping onto her hips tightly, taking his own pleasure in the feel of her slight curves. "How did you ever guess that I enjoy biting, Miss Lina?"

Lina snorted, and it tickled his neck a little. "You're male, or at least the semblance of a male," was her reply.

Xellos frowned, his fingers slipping underneath her panties, tugging on the waistband. "Certainly not all men enjoy being gnawed on."

"And I certainly haven't been with all men," she replied, looking up and grinning. Her eyes were dancing with levity, her bangs brushed out of her eyes. "But you're also a Monster. I figured a bit of pain would spice it up a bit."

 _And that is because you're already so similar to a Monster,_ Xellos thought, a rush of emotion akin to physical lust rushing through him. _That is why you bring me to my knees, every time I look at you._

Instead of saying any of this, he merely responded with, "Then you would be right."

He tugged on her panties, trying to get them over her hips, but Lina froze. When he reached out to figure out why, he suddenly tasted, not doubt or grief, but anger and annoyance. He stopped, looking at her in question.

Lina frowned at him, her eyes narrowed. She reached down and tugged at his robes. "Humour me," she said.

At first, Xellos wasn't sure what it was he was supposed to be humouring. But when he focused on just how naked she was, and how clothed he appeared to be, he had to bite back a snort of amusement. Even in such a state, Lina never succumbed to the illusion that he was anything but what he was. It was one of her greatest attributes.

With some conscientious effort, he altered his form to look like how he looked already, only naked: slight of build, somewhat muscular, compact but not stubby. In short, pretty average. Lina watched this all with barely contained delight, marvelling not only in the ability to do so, but also at the way he was doing it.

When he finished and opened his eyes again, Lina was leaning slightly away from him, her gaze down below. He blinked, wondering if he should feel embarrassment from this sudden assessment. Lina's eyes raked over his assumed member, her smile twitching just a bit. Now he was sure that he was supposed to be insulted.

"Something the matter?" he asked her lightly.

Lina swallowed a batch of giggles. She shook her head. "No, no, of course not," she replied, her voice strained.

"Not quite what you're used to?" he asked, before instantly regretting it.

Lina, however, took it in stride. Her eyes flickered, but only once. "Not quite," she replied, her eyes looking down again. "But just fine for this." Her eyes went to his once more. "Can you even feel anything if I touched you there? Would it be the same as a human would feel?"

Xellos hesitated. He wondered just how much he should admit to her. Should he admit that not matter how she touched him, it was akin to what a human felt at the time of orgasm? That with every casual touch she made, it sent his very core on fire?

He settled with, "It'll serve the purpose."

Lina smiled. It surprised him, because it was the first shy smile that he had seen all night from her. She sat up, crawled away from him to sit beside him, and, standing up on the windowseat, she shimmied out her of panties and kicked them aside, standing before him, completely naked in both body and emotion.

He stared up at her, his eyes drinking in the sight of her displayed bare before him. She was so small and fine-boned; it seemed a miracle that she had survived the amount that she did. Her body betrayed her in some ways to her age; her skin wasn't as taut and smooth, her body giving way to some of gravity's curses. But if he were correct in his calculations, she was still very much ahead of the game, by several decades.

"Ah, Miss Lina," he breathed, looking into her eyes once more. "You honour me."

Lina smiled. In truth, she had been terrified of the reaction she would get from him. She wasn't even sure what she was doing, standing naked in front of him. Wasn't this supposed to be about passion? About need?

Perhaps she just needed to prove a point, that she was still human, still breathing, and still a woman.

In one swoop, she was straddling him once more. The moment she had her legs around him, Xellos's arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. She could feel the hard tip of him against her, pushing upwards, seeking her flesh. She reached down and grabbed onto him, squeezing hard, wanting a reaction.

She got the one she wanted. Xellos's eyes snapped open and bore into hers. She fancied that if she looked hard enough, she could see all of the centuries that he had lived through, all of the people he had stolen from, tortured, destroyed. She felt as if she could drown in them.

Xellos knew that she was becoming distracted. He was well aware of the kind of affect his full gaze had on those privileged enough to receive it. He reached down and covered her hand, the one holding him, with his, pushing it aside to grip himself. When her hands touched his shoulders in an almost sleepy-like manner, he gripped onto her hips and pulled her down, pushing up and into her as he did so.

The reaction was instant: she gasped and reared back, her nails digging into his shoulders. He held her down, not moving, staring into her eyes. Her mouth was open, as if surprised, and she was gasping. But her eyes never left his.

The pleasure was intense, Lina dimly admitted, feeling herself shake with need. Even something like penetration was enough to send her close to the edge.

Xellos let go of her hips, sliding his hands up her sides and down again. He kept his touch light. Lina pressed herself close, grinding her hips against him briefly, before she buried her face into his neck and began to move, her body falling into a slow and steady rhythm, each stroke sending her closer and closer.

Xellos wrapped his arms around her, pushing up and deeper into her with each thrust against him. He listened to her gasping, felt her body become hotter and damper against him, and he shut his eyes, falling into these simple and carnal emotions, the simple joy of her impending release overwhelming him.

When the gasps suddenly became cries and her moves became more frantic, Xellos reached up with both hands and cupped Lina's face into them. She started to pull away, her cheeks red, her eyes glazed over, but he held her in place. He watched her eyes start to close, her body begin to tense, and he whispered, "Open your eyes and share it with me."

Gasping, Lina managed to open her eyes halfway before the force of the orgasm took her, and she gasped, pushing herself up against him and trying to pull her face away from his hands. He held her, drinking in the pure waves of pleasure coming from her, his own eyes half-open from the sweetness and intensity of it. He watched her watching him, her eyes dimming briefly as her orgasm peaked, before she shut them and became limp.

Xellos let go of her face, and she moaned, burying her face into his neck. She pulled him closer, covered in sweat, her body still trembling from release. Xellos leaned back against the window, shutting his eyes, his own breathing forced and ragged. While he didn't come like she did, feeding off of her that way was far better than any human orgasm.

As she quieted, he held her closed. It was almost bittersweet, how they held onto eachother, like they were normal lovers in a normal situation. It was a tender moment, one that would have sickened him if he had seen it himself. Somehow, though, being a part of such a tableau with Lina made him feel just the opposite. It seemed to rejuvenate him.

His eyes snapped open, his hand stopping in mid-air from stroking Lina's hair as she trembled. _That is...an interesting thought,_ he realised.

However, before he could focus on it, Lina stirred in his arms, coming down from her high and feeling her heart finally slow down. In all of her life, while she had had orgasms, there was something far different about that one. It had been the most intense, and the most tiring.

Xellos resumed stroking her hair, and she turned her face away from his shoulder, looking up at him. There was no pretense in her expression. She was satisfied, she was relaxed, and she was comforted.

He cupped a breast, and she laughed. She pushed herself off of him and stood up, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She then sat down next to him, looking him up and down, her eyes resting on his now-flaccid manhood. She raised her eyebrows. "That's interesting," she said.

Xellos feigned a blush. "How unladylike, Miss Lina!" he declared, crossing his legs.

Lina rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide a smile. "You would know!" she shot back.

Xellos pouted, and this time she laughed. "What I meant was," and here she pointed between his legs, "you didn't orgasm like a human, did you?"

Xellos instantly was delighted that she was even asking. "What is orgasm, Miss Lina? Is it not pure pleasure?"

Lina nodded, stopping herself from rolling her eyes just in time. "Yes," she said tiredly, not amused at being treated like a student, especially given the current situation.

"As a Monster, I can't experience pure human pleasure like you can," he elaborated, grabbing onto her arm and tugging her closer. He wanted the benefit of contact with her, for that extra spice of emotion. "But I can feel a sort of Monster equivalent."

Lina frowned. "You weren't hurting me. How could you feel pleasure in that?"

Xellos wagged a finger at her, right under her nose. "There is something akin to pain before an orgasm, no?"

Lina was instantly surprised by the truth in this. "Very sneaky," she agreed. "I wonder how often you spy on couples having sex?"

Xellos grinned, his eyes open and narrow, saying nothing.

Lina sighed. "You pervert."

There was a slight, awkward silence, before Lina broke it with, "So that was it, right? That was what you came for?"

Xellos was surprised. He had expected more banter. "To get you into bed?" he wondered.

"You know that was what I meant," Lina answered. Despite her angry tone, she leaned in closer, being a warmth thief. The cool air on her damp skin was making her chilly.

"Yes and no," he answered.

"No?"

"Nope," he concluded cheerfully.

Lina glared at him, and he joyfully fed off of her anger and annoyance, feeling them untainted and pure. To make it worse, he continued with, "Shall we have another try? This time on the traditional bed?"

Lina's eyebrows went so far up that they vanished under her bangs. She certainly hadn't expected that. "Wh-what?" she stammered, but already she had her answer, feeling Xellos's hands cup her breasts again, feeling the involuntary heat stab between her legs. "Ah..." she gasped, trying to squirm away.

He leaned in close, whispering in her ear, the words that stopped her from fighting it, really and truly. "Let me give this gift to you, Miss Lina," he whispered, his words sending shivers down her spine. "Over and over. Let me rend the grief into shreds."

She wrapped herself around him. "Yes," she agreed, losing herself in his arms and letting herself go.


	7. Chapter Six

When Lina awoke, it was well into the afternoon, and Xellos was gone. She stirred, feeling lazy and drained still, and she curled up under the somewhat threadbare covers.

Xellos had been true to his word; he had brought her to the pinnacle and made her forget her troubles, albeit fleetingly. It was amazing and puzzling to her how selfless he was appearing to be. Certainly something as demanding as giving someone pleasure throughout the morning would go against the Monster code, wouldn't it?

She sighed, pulling the covers up to her chin. _And yet I wonder just how selfless it was,_ she thought. There were many times that he tortured her, denying her that release seconds from it was due before he let her come, to the point where it was indeed painful, and it was far more than one time.

Each time her fingernails clawed into his arms, or when she moaned in dismay, she caught a spark of something in his eyes and noticed how his mouth turned up a bit.

It probably was true what he said, then, about him getting his own nourishment from denying me that release.

She had to admit that it was the first time in a long time that she hadn't felt as old as she was. In fact, she had felt as young as she looked, which was unusual in itself.

She wondered how often the Monster race used humans that way, duping them into sexual activity, only to bring them close to orgasm before denying them that joy. She wondered if there was a whole separate and darkly sexual faction to the Monster Race that she had been completely ignorant of. She wondered if she had been one of many conquests that Xellos had.

She wondered, deep down, if he was even going to come back.

Lina was many things, but she was no fool. She knew that, more than likely, Xellos had only come to her to take her, both bodily and emotionally, so of course that once the deed was done there was no reason for him to stick around.

Still, she wondered. She couldn't help but wonder.

She found some sensual joy in lounging around in bed, thinking about nothing but the feel of her own body, the messages from her senses and the instincts in her gut. Being lazy helped her ease the growing anxiety she had felt upon waking up alone without Xellos.

She couldn't help but wonder what he was doing at that moment and if had anything to do with her.

Lina finally got out of bed when her stomach's protests became deafening. She did everything slowly, still feeling tired. She fell into her usual solitary routine, one she had perfected decades ago but had abandoned when she joined her life with Gourry. Now that she was alone and travelling again, it was easy to fall into those patterns and be comforted by their simplicity, allowing her movements to comfort her and make her forget what was missing.

She did find that the usual sting of pain that accompanied her was unusually silent, and that helped her. In fact, she found it a nice absence, although she wondered if it was a bad sign. Were her emotions dulling into nothing as she got used to being alone?

When she finally went down to the dining room of the inn, ready to check out and sell her booty, she found that it was eerily quiet. When she looked closer, she realised with a sudden jolt that she was the only one there, despite the hour.

The innkeeper greeted Lina as she sat down at a table, although the manner of his greetings made her very uncomfortable indeed. He wagged his eyebrows at her and grinned from ear to ear.

 _Damn,_ she thought, _he knows that Xellos didn't leave until this morning._

"Where is everyone?" she asked bluntly, ignoring his lewd hints.

He placed a menu in front of her, his smile twitching a little. "Ah, they decided to eat elsewhere," he admitted.

Lina frowned. That was weird. One would think that the people would come out more, now that the threat of money-poaching was gone from their town.

"Are the assholes from the mansion back?" she demanded, ignoring the menu.

The innkeeper blinked in surprise. "Oh, no, of course not! We were requested to keep the dining area empty until you left."

"By whom?" Lina wondered, confused now.

"By your man friend," he replied, the suggestive returning to his face.

Xellos arranged that? Lina blinked, startled and trying to mask it, but knowing that she was failing miserably.

Did that mean anything? Or was it just a courtesy because of what they had shared?

However, as her stomach was reminding her, there were more importantly things to worry about. She picked her dishes, taking a somewhat mean pleasure in watching the man pale at the amount. When that was done, she waited for her food, thinking, using the quiet to plan out her day.

Her food came, she ate, paid for her meal, then packed up and left the inn. It probably would be bad taste to sell the loot from the mansion in the town it came from, she thought belatedly.

Which meant that she had to move onto another town.

The conclusion left her with mixed feelings. For starters, she suddenly felt a tingling of doubt go through her; did she really want to keep going, keep moving, keep up her routine?

It was the first time in a while that she had thought like that. It worried her. Would something as, in the scope of things, minute as Xellos suddenly showing up shake her enough to stop what she always did? And if she did stop, what then? What could she do? Where could she go?

 _What helpless thoughts,_ she thought.

Shaking her head slowly, Lina hoped to also shake the doubts from her mind. When they lingered, she decided to ignore them and move on. She started by leaving the town, then leaving the region, never once looking back.

It would be the most pivotal decision that she had ever made.


	8. Chapter Seven

For a while, Xellos decided to re-designate himself as Lina's shadow.

It did come with its own set of problems. While things had been relatively low-key on his race's side, Beastmaster Zelas still wanted to know where he, her one and only retainer, was at all times. While he was skilled at avoiding the truth without telling lies, it was getting harder and harder with her constant questions.

Especially, he realised, when he sometimes grew careless with distraction and didn't put enough effort into his words.

Initially, he had assumed that, like most of his past obsessions, once he was able to fully engage and reach the highest point with whoever or whatever it was, he would grow bored and move on.

He was sure, dead-sure, that once he had gotten Lina into bed and managed to erase the darkness in her eyes, if only for a moment, the infatuation, that burning desire to make her his, would cease.

 _Instead,_ Xellos discovered, as he haunted her shadow from afar, _it has only made it worse._

He dimly knew that being with her in most of his spare time, whether she knew it or not, probably wasn't helping the matter. It also didn't help that Beastmaster kept trying to find him work to do that would, one way or another, help increase her footing on the growing skirmish amongst her kin. He was somewhat interested to see who would win this little civil war, the one that would deem the winner the next overlord, after Shabranigdu, but not enough to keep interested. He was, of course, hoping that his master would win, but not enough to be drawn away from his own needs. Oh, he would help her, as much as he could, but his spare time was his.

And Lina's.

Xellos swore that, at least until the struggle was finished, he would remain in the shadows and haunt her from afar. He swore that there was nothing further that could come of being in contact with her. And while he had made it seem like he had other motives, or that he was "on call", he really hadn't been.

He was so sure that he could keep this promise to himself. He had done what he contacted her for. Not only had he managed to spark an anger in her, he also managed to re-awaken her lust for life, one that had been slowly waning as she continued on. He had been sure that there would be no more dark light in her eyes, no more droop in her shoulder, or drag in her feet.

 _So why is she going there?_ he found himself thinking, glad that he was watching from the Astral side of things. Otherwise, he knew, she would be able to feel his fury.

 _Why is she going there? Why is she making it worse?_

But of course, Lina didn't hear him. She walked onward, her head held high, her steps evenly-paced. Her eyes, set on the road before her, were dark again.

It enraged him, on so many levels.

On one, it was because she was ignoring him, ignoring what he had given her, and instead of using it, she was throwing it away.

On another, it was because she was going back there, and nothing good would come of it. The darkness in her eyes was evidence to that.

Oh, the sorrow was sweet. It was filling. It was like good, mellow wine. But it made him recoil. It made him want to retch. It made him want to destroy.

Because it was _hers_.

And then he had his answer, and he knew why he wasn't done with her. He now knew what it would take to make him done with her, once and for all.

He set himself into motion towards it, forcing himself to look away from those eyes.

And yet, they still haunted him.

X X X

Lina's feet and body seemed to know where she was going, even if she wasn't sure. It was pure instinct, her walking. She stopped only if necessary, and even then, not very often.

It was only when things began to look familiar that she knew where she was and why she was there.

She hesitated, just a bit, on the outskirts of the small merchant town.

While not the richest place, what it lacked in quantity of residence was made up in quality of merchandise. It didn't even have a name, she remembered. It was mostly viewed as a stop along the way for most travellers, so it didn't really need one.

As Lina walked, the wind shifted its direction, and she breathed it in, smelling the familiar scents on the air. It had been way too long. She had put off doing this for far too long.

 _It's embarrassing,_ she thought, _how much of a coward I've been_.

Still, her body was the one that carried her, and she let it, unsure of how she would react if her mind took over. Would she run? Probably. It was something hard to admit, but she had to admit it.

Dimly, in detachment, she took in everything around her. Pretty much everything was the same as it had been, with a few exceptions. A few faces she didn't recognise, a few changes on a few houses. But, as she felt her heart speed up, as she walked through the small town, it was still saturated with her memories.

It was only when she found herself before the entrance to the small graveyard that she stopped.

Lina swallowed. Just standing there was painful enough. It was hard not to look around and remember. But, she concluded, she had to do this. She put it off, and she was ashamed of herself. To run again would just add to that shame.

Slowly, she walked with purpose to the highest hill of the graveyard. Her eyes were already glued to a marble headstone, chiseled in a light blue hue. When she reached it, she stopped in front of it, looking at it with blurry eyes.

"Hello, Gourry," she murmured.

 _It had been far too long,_ she thought. _To spend so many years away, after running from here and not even saying a proper farewell, was shameful._

But now, she knew she could do it. Now, she knew she could accept it. Because she was still alive, and Gourry was not.

She had to keep going.

The gravestone was in good shape, she saw with satisfaction. They had kept their promise to her and taken care of the grave. The marble shone underneath the sunlight, displaying Gourry's name, his dates, and the words, "Guardian, Husband, Friend, Savoir" upon them.

Underneath, she saw, they had engraved the small sentence she had requested.

"The mind is but a tool, one used to translate the heart's thoughts into actions."

She had chosen it, because she truly believed that it was Gourry, to the core.

Lina stood there, letting her eyes overflow. She held her hands in front of her, loosely clasped together. She was smiling a little, she could feel.

"I know I haven't visited," she said softly. "I'm sorry. I think you understand. Things have been strange with me. I don't think I've ever been the same since you left."

She paused, feeling a little stupid. Why was she talking to a grave like this? She, who was probably the most nonreligious person she knew, was pouring her heart out to a stone that represented someone who had left this world once he breathed his last.

 _It doesn't matter_ , she thought suddenly. _I_ need _to do this_.

She knelt down onto the grass, her eyes still glued to the gravestone and its markings. "I think about you alot," she continued. "Do you know that? You probably do."

Lina sighed. This was getting her nowhere fast.

"Gourry, listen. If you can. I never...your leaving..." she hesitated. "Your dying. When you died, in a way, so did I. I just..."

She sighed again, reaching up and tangling her fingers into her hair in her frustration. It was hard, she realised, trying to get it out there, trying to make her words make sense.

"I died, too. I couldn't even live for a while. I just shut down. Only recently have I been able to feel again." She pulled her hands away, letting them drop. She smiled shyly. "Probably not in ways you'd like," she said. "But I'm fighting bandits again. And this time, I'm being helpful doing so. I figure..."

She closed her eyes. "I figure, if I'm cursed with living alone, forever, without you, I might as well keep some of our legacy alive, since we couldn't..." Her head lowered, and she gritted her teeth.

It was harder than she thought, she realised. Facing up to this, saying what she had wanted to say back then, allowing the pain of decades to resurface...she had hoped, naively, that it would be easy. What a fool she had been.

Lina reached forward, pressing both hands on the gravestone. The ridges and smoothness of it chilled her, biting into her palms, but she absorbed it. She moved closer, pressing her cheek onto the backs of her hands, keeping her eyes closed.

"Gourry," she whispered. "I love you. I always will. I miss you. I'm sorry I outlived you, but I have to keep going. This time, though," she buried her face into her hands. "This time I won't ignore you. I'll be back."

By the time the sentence left her, she was already consumed with her tears. But they were different, she knew. The tears she had shed on the road, as a result, had been full of rage, of raw pain, of pure hate for her fate.

These, she knew, were healing. The ones that she should have shed on the day of the funeral. As she cried, her muscles relaxed, her heart lightened. She felt sad, of course, but she also felt comforted.

Lina would always love Gourry. A major part of her had been buried with him. But she knew that she was still alive. She had to keep going. She had to keep moving. For real, this time.

When she was cried out, Lina just sat there, leaning on the gravestone, resting, her head feeling stuffed. She opened her senses to the day, to the sounds and smells and feelings of it all.

Slowly, when she felt she was able to, Lina pushed herself away from the gravestone. She made to stand, then hesitated. It was stupid, she knew, but she couldn't resist it; she leaned forward and kissed the stone, right over his first name.

Only then was she able to retrace the steps she had made all of those years ago, the ones leading out of the town.

But this time, she knew what she was doing. She knew where she was going.

And her heart was lighter for it.


	9. Chapter Eight

"Ah, little Xellos," the throaty, female voice purred, the sound of it echoing off the polished marble walls. From her throne, Beastmaster Zelas sat, cross-legged, her ample brown legs displayed in all of their glory. The Monster herself sat languidly, most of her body looking as if it were draped upon the jewel-encrusted, high-backed chair. Her hair, abundant and long, had richness and volume that no human could ever possess. Dangling from one hand between long, perfectly manicured fingers was a cigarette.

Xellos bowed, his arm across his chest, his head lowered. "Hello, Lord Beastmaster," he said lightly. He held the bow for as long as etiquette dictated, then rose up to his full height. His eyes glittered in the dim light. "To what do I owe this special summons?"

Zelas raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows. "I cannot summon my favourite priest into my presence just for the sake of wanting to see him?"

Xellos smiled wryly. "I am your only priest, Lord Beastmaster," he said, chuckling.

Zelas frowned a little. She sat up, stubbing her cigarette out on the arm of the throne. She raised her hands, gesturing for him to come closer. He obeyed, but hesitantly. He wasn't sure where this would lead.

When he stood a foot from her, Zelas reached out and grabbed both of his hands, dragging him closer to her. He stumbled, but managed to keep his balance. He met the steely gaze of his master without flinching, which actually surprised him. He wasn't quite adept at hiding from his master and creator.

"You're strange, little Xellos," Zelas said softly. "Your eyes are preoccupied, and I know you haven't been doing any of my work. I haven't heard anyone borrowing you lately." Her hands darted up and captured his face. Her fingers dug into his cheeks a little. "Where have you been spending your time, little priest?"

Here was the hard part. As a rule, Xellos never, as long as he had lived, ever lied. He couldn't even lie to save a mission. It would be even harder to lie to his master. He opened his mouth, then closed it. _No,_ he thought, _I can't lie. It's not possible._

Zelas's eyes narrowed, their colour darkening. Her fingers dug into his cheeks harder, and he had to swallow a yelp. "What are you hiding from me?" she said softly.

Xellos managed a miniscule smile. "I assure you I wouldn't hide from you, Lord Beastmaster," he managed to choke out. That much was at least a part-truth.

Zelas smiled, her lips curving upward slowly. "And yet you won't answer me without a riddle," she shot back. She dragged him closer, so close that he hand to reach down and grab onto the throne's arms for balance. He hunched over her, his face inches from hers. Her eyes bore into his, but he did not waver. He stared back.

"My little Xellos," Zelas purred. "You wouldn't be doing anything treacherous, would you?"

Xellos looked, and felt, genuinely chagrined by this. He pouted, something he knew Zelas enjoyed looking at. "I would never, ever put you in any danger, my Lord," he said, his voice a trace sulky.

"Good," Zelas replied, her voice silky with underlying threat. "Because I expect full loyalty from you, little Xellos. I created you alone to serve me. I made sure you shared your power with no one. I expect you to serve me to the fullest. Don't I deserve that much?"

Xellos nodded as best he could within her iron grip. She smiled, dragged him to her, and closed the gap between him, giving him a long, full kiss. It was not the kind of kiss that a mother would give a son, and yet both found that they enjoyed it.

When Zelas pulled away, she let go of his face, and he rubbed his cheeks gingerly. She smiled. "You will tell me," she said. It wasn't a question.

Xellos bowed down low, knowing an order when he heard it. He thought fast, trying to word it in a way that would not incriminate him. "There's a project I'm undertaking," he explained slowly. "It involves a human that could be a great asset to us."

Zelas sat up straighter. "A human? Humans can't be of any use to us, little Xellos. You know better."

Xellos rose from his bow, shaking his head slowly. "I wouldn't be wasting my time if I thought otherwise. This human needs some convincing, and with time, I know I could make the pledge. Their loyalty would be absolute, and we would be stronger for it."

Zelas leaned back, steepling her hands before her. "The pledge of immortality?" she echoed. "You've never wanted to make the pledge with any human before, little Xellos. What has changed your heart now?"

Xellos grinned, sensing a way to avoid answering. "Since when do I have a heart? I don't recall you giving me one when you made me, Lord Beastmaster."

Zelas grinned back. "No, I think you're right. You're too cold and mean-spirited to have one, aren't you?" She chuckled. "A perfect servant to me."

Xellos nodded. "But time is of the essence," he added lightly.

Zelas took the hint, but not happily. "How long will this tedious project take? It's already deprived me of so much time with you."

Xellos put a finger to his mouth. "I'm not sure, but I can assure you that the result will be well worth any time lost between you and I." _The truth. Most of it._

Zelas nodded. "Very well. I shall trust you."

Xellos felt like sagging in relief, but held himself in check.

Zelas smiled slowly, like a cat before a saucer of milk. "You better be serious, little Xellos. Because the life I grant can be taken away, just as easily."

Xellos bowed as low as he could. "I understand, and obey," he agreed.

X X X

Several months went by. In that time, Lina made her way south, travelling through the newer continent and exploring as much as she could. At first, it wasn't easy; even catching a glimpse of an abandoned church or a crowded library made her think of her loved ones (especially Zelgadis, who never had found a cure).

But instead of smothering the emotions and ignoring the things that brought them on, she went head-first into both. It was hard at first, and alot of tears accompanied the melancholic nostalgia, but as the days went by, it got easier, until she discovered that she wasn't crying as much anymore, she wasn't missing them as much anymore. Her thoughts, of course, were always on them, but they weren't as painful as they had once been.

Now, Lina found herself on the shore of a small fishing town, eyeing a small ship with trepidation. It was set to cross the ocean in order to dock at an island close by, and she was pondering it, wondering if there would be anything worth perusing on it.

"Checking to see if you have sea-legs, Miss Lina?"

Lina jerked, turning so fast she almost tripped. Her heart jolted when her eyes fell on the all-too-familiar form of Xellos, standing there, looking as calm and casual as could be.

She froze, unable to speak for a moment, her eyes wide. She hadn't heard from him in weeks, and as such had assumed that he was done with her. She never imagined that there was more, never deluded herself into thinking that she would ever see him again as long as she lived.

"Xellos," she murmured, her mouth dry.

Xellos smiled at her, then looked over to where her gaze had been fixed, noticing the modest ship. "Ah, that ship looks horrible," he said lightly. "Even if you made it there in one piece, could you ever make it back without it breaking apart?"

Lina hesitated, but his voice was so jovial, and she had been alone for so long. She went along with it. She crossed her arms over her chest and grinned. "Easy for you to say. All you have to do is wink and you're already there. And while Ray Wing is an efficient mode of short-distance travel, using it for a trip like that would wear me out. I would sink before even making it halfway there!"

Xellos chuckled, nodding slowly. "For all of your prowess, you do have your weak points, don't you, Miss Lina?"

Lina waved a hand on him, closing one eye in a lazy grin. "Well, who can say? I'd like to keep the rumour of being indestructible, myself."

Xellos listened to her words, her banter, and felt the air around her. She was better, he realised with some shock. The heavy curtain of sadness was barely a veil, and it fluttered every now and then, especially since he came into appearance before her. He could sense that she had been lonely, but that feeling was faded now that he was there. Her attitude was genuine; she was happy to see him, although surprised that he was there.

Xellos edged closer to her, so that they were inches apart. He leaned down to her and opened his eyes. Her own eyes widened, then became fixed on his own. Her smile faded, and her lips twitched, just a little. The air surrounding her was confused, and nervous.

He reached up slowly and ran his fingers through her hair, from bangs to tips. She almost flinched, but held it in check; the feeling was comforting, and his touch was gentle.

"Xellos," she said slowly, her voice quiet. "What are you doing? Why are you back? Again?"

Xellos leaned in close, pressing his mouth to hers. She stiffened, but he reached forward and pulled her close, and instantly she responded, her body filling with sudden heat. She clutched onto his back, kissing back, shutting her eyes and getting lost in the feeling.

Xellos had a hard time pulling back, but he did. He kept her anchored to his body, but stopped the kiss abruptly. "I'm back for one reason, and one reason only," he admitted.

Lina smiled wryly, her eyes sparkling. "I can easily guess what," she said. Although she acted amused, he could sense the hurt and the anger in the air. It was obvious that she felt used.

Xellos shook his head slowly. "No you couldn't," he answered. "Because I'm not back for that. I'm back for you."


	10. Chapter Nine

For an impossibly long minute, Lina was silent. Her eyes bore into his, not even so much as blinking. The air around her was completely void of any emotion. It amazed Xellos, this control she could have over her own emotions.

But it didn't last. As sudden as an arrow shot by an assassin, her fury spiked the air and her fist came up, catching him on the side of his head and sending him reeling away from her. The fish port was crowded, and the sudden movement, amidst what could have been construed as a romantic movement, drew many pairs of eyes to them.

While Xellos didn't lose his balance, he came close to it. It did feel a mild pain, but it was more the shock of the action that took his breath away. It was certainly not one he had been expecting.

 _But then,_ he thought, _what was I expecting? Was I expecting her to sway into my arms and be grateful? Was I expecting her to become a damsel, relieved to be swept off of her feet? i_ _f Miss Lina was anything like that, then she would not be worth it._ He knew that better than anyone else living.

Slowly, he regained his composure. He put a hand to his cheek, stood up straight, and looked over to where Lina was still standing. Her own posture was rigid with her rage, her entire body shaking with her fury. Her eyes blazed, her fists were clenched before her, and her mouth was set in a grim line.

Xellos opened his eyes, staring into her own. Oh, it was delicious, he realised. He relished in the rage, the anger, the raw simplicity of it all. The fact that he was the cause of it made it all the more sweeter.

"You sick bastard," Lina suddenly said, her voice trembling. "You think you can just step into a person's life, and mix it all up like cake batter!" She was so upset that her arms actually went up in the air, making swirling gestures. "You come in, change everything, and then leave, and then you expect to come back and be greeted with warmth? You can't be that much of a bastard!"

Xellos blinked at her, his hand coming down from his face. "And if I did expect it?" he wondered softly.

Lina's eyes narrowed into slits. "I'm going to kick you ass," she warned.

Xellos couldn't resist. He felt a chuckle bubbling up, and he let it come. Before he knew it, he was howling with laughter, literally holding his sides and cowering before her. It must have made quite a scene, and it confused the hell out of Lina, who stood in front of him, wearing a dazed expression.

When his laughs died down, Lina placed a hand on her hip. "Did I break you?" she demanded.

Xellos shook his head slowly, wiping his eyes and still wearing an idiotic grin. "Oh, Miss Lina, how wonderful you are!" he declared, sending her further into confusion. "Your reaction is exactly what I had not anticipated, which is what makes it so sweet, and worth it."

"Prick," Lina snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. She couldn't describe it, but hearing him laugh like that, it killed her anger in one fell swoop. Still, though, after such an egotistical greeting, she didn't want to let him off the hook yet. "I should still kick your ass."

"Call it foreplay then, Miss Lina," he trilled.

Lina went beet red. "What the hell is your problem, you bastard priest?" she snapped, embarrassed now. "You really think that I would even consider taking you to bed after you ditched me? You'd be burned to a crisp before that happened."

Xellos grinned, and for the first time, with shock, she realised that the particular grin on his face wasn't jovial, but lecherous. "I repeat my previous comment."

The Fireball was on him in an instant, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't expecting it.

X X X

"Augh, you make me so sick, I don't know why I agreed to let you take me here," Lina moaned, resting her chin on her hand and looking away, her face bleeding misery.

They were seated in a small cafe, on the shoreline of the sea port. It was modest, but Lina knew they had good food. She figured that if she was stuck with him for a little while, she might as well enjoy some small part of it.

Xellos scowled at her, the ends of his hair still singed. "You're lucky I offered at all," he answered. "After the way you attacked me."

His voice was sulky, and Lina had to swallow a laugh. "Don't whine at me," she snapped. "I never asked you to come back. Consider it your dues."

"Which brings us to the original point, Miss Lina," Xellos said smoothly, and she almost hated him for that, for turning her words against her. "The reason why I am here."

Lina looked over at him finally, her eyes dark and grave. "The truth is, Xellos, that I never, ever expected you to come back within my lifetime. If you're doing this as some kind of favour-"

"Don't insult me by thinking I have that kind of sentimentality, Miss Lina," Xellos interrupted, sounding miffed. "After all we've been through, thinking that way is most dangerous, don't you think?"

Lina leaned forward, her smile thin. "And yet, you came to me, put yourself in danger, all just to make my pain go away, didn't you?" she said softly, her voice close to a whisper.

Xellos leaned back a little. He wasn't used to Lina being so open with him. It wasn't the first time, it wouldn't be the last time, but it never made it easier. He liked to play a little, make it seem drawn out; having it out in the open made it boring and awkward.

"Again you insult me," he said, making his voice sound casual. "What makes you think that I did any of that for your sake? Did it ever occur to you that I've wanted your body for decades, and that finally conquering it makes you worthless to me now?"

Lina's smile widened, her eyes flashing. "And yet you've come back to that which you've deemed discarded."

Xellos smiled back, his eyes open and meeting hers. "It's always such a pleasure to spar with you this way," he admitted, resting his cheek in his hand.

Lina raised an eyebrow. "Can't say I feel the same way, Xellos," she said, her tone making it clear.

He pouted. "How harsh, Miss Lina."

"Get to the point," she suddenly snapped, her mood no longer playful. "Are you going to get in my way all the time? If I finally manage to get on with my life, should I always expect you to be tangled underfoot? Or will you actually let me get on with my life, however twisted and lonely it is?"

Her voice, by the end, was raised in a shout, and she had stood up mid-speech without realising it. She was shaking, but from what, she couldn't tell. She was just...so tired. She was already forced to live this life; why did she have to deal with such hurtful games?

Xellos leaned back, his eyes on hers. In fact, they had never left hers, which made it harder. "Why do you need to be lonely?" he asked, his voice hard. All of the playfulness and teasing was gone. "Why do you need to think this a curse? Did it ever occur to you that perhaps you're the most fortunate of them all?"

"You bastard," she hissed. "You have no idea!"

"I don't?" Xellos snapped. He had lost his patience with her, finally. She was being spoiled in his opinion, scoffing at what truly was a good thing; men spent years being murderers in order to achieve what she had. "I don't know what it's like to watch the world go by? I don't know what it's like to see lifetimes pass by me in the blink of an eye?"

Lina's smile was cruel. She leaned down. _"You don't feel,"_ she snarled, the air alive with her rage and her hurt. "You can't know what it's like to what the ones you would die for waste away before your eyes, to have them look at you and see the jealousy and injustice in their eyes. To know that you, in their eyes, are like the enemy, because you can stay while they have to die..."

Again she was shouting, and again she hadn't realised it until she realised her throat was hurting. She caught herself, pushing herself away from the table and slamming down a few coins. She glowered at Xellos, then turned on her heel and stormed out.

Xellos lowered his head, his hand going to his chest. He was breathing, hard, like he couldn't quite catch enough breath, no matter how much he filled his lungs. His chest felt like it was on fire, like someone was stabbing him repeatedly. And the worst part of it was that, of all things, he had no idea why.

Xellos was the type of Monster who followed logic and little else. If he didn't understand it, he went out of his way to learn it. This was one of his most prized attributes, and it was also why he was able to blend in so well with humans.

But when Lina had started shouting at him, really and trying yelling in a way that he had never heard her yell before, in all of his years of knowing her, something inside of him seemed to break; yes, that was what it had felt like. Like something had been snapped in half, something that had been shattered. When she walked away, he found it hard to breathe.

He hunched over the table, gritting his teeth, his hands on his chest. _Was this what it was like to die?_ he wondered suddenly. Had someone attacked him from the Astral Plane?

When he concentrated on that side, he felt nothing that would be considered to be a malevolent force. He felt nothing that could have attacked him, nor did he feel a residue of an attack.

 _So what the hell is this?_ he thought, panicked now.

Without another thought, he retreated to the Astral Side in a vanish of light. Once there, the feeling suddenly faded, and he was able to catch his breath once more. The pain lingered, but it was a tenth of what it had been, and thus was easy to push away. Pain was meaningless to a Monster on a mission.

He straightened up, looking around the murky plains of the Astral side of things. He could sense a few lifeforms here and there, and only a could of them were Monsters like himself, but none seemed to pay him any attention. He relaxed, thinking hard.

What was he going to do now? He had thought, truly thought, that he would be able to appeal to Lina and bring her over to his side without much struggle. _Clearly_ , he thought wryly, _I was an idiot to think that way._

It was obvious that her lengthened life was taking a toll on her, not only on her pride and emotion, but also on her sanity. He realised, with shock, that there were faint droplets of insanity there in her anger, so minute that they were merely seeds, but they were there.

Her solitude was driving her mad, making her think that she was less human, and that thought alone was furthering her madness. That alone would make it harder, for if he were to even so much as suggest that she gave up whatever shreds of humanity she had left, surely the madness would win...

 _But then,_ Xellos thought, his eyes glittering, _a sane Monster is a useless one. I could probably make use of it..._

 _But do I want to?_

He had to answer that before he chased after her. And he knew it would be a hard question to answer.


	11. Chapter Ten

Before there was any evidence of Lina's affliction, she and Gourry decided to pay respected visits home. It was shortly after their engagement, and while Lina's reasons were along the lines of "inviting the family and finding a place to call home", Gourry's was more mysterious and personal, along the lines of, "setting everything up so that my affairs are in order and that my ties are cut." Lina never pressed him for details, and he never offered any. It was something that never, ever had to be said: some things were best left private.

Which was Lina's excuse for not telling him alot of things sooner. A couple of months previous, Lina had missed a period but then suffered an excruciating period several weeks too early to be normal. Since both she and Gourry had been intimate a few months before, it wasn't a surprise that she had gotten pregnant, since they had been careless during the event. The surprise came in the loss, and how it made her feel. The morning afterwards, when she felt able to, she wrecked havoc on the countryside. It would be the first of many miscarriages, the first of many empty mornings.

The funny thing was, each time it happened throughout their lives, Lina only told Gourry a couple of times. It had happened more and more as they aged, but she kept it to herself. It was her own private shame, her own secret agony: she could not bear children.

It would be her first hint to her affliction, one she wouldn't detect until much too late.

In any case, the first of the many had left a scar on her, one that she knew she wasn't hiding very well. She could tell that Gourry knew something was wrong, but he never pressed her about it. There was a part of her that wished he just would, just so that she could share her pain with someone who loved her.

When she made it home, her parents were thrilled not only to see her, but to hear her news. Since Gourry was dealing with his own affairs, her father refused to "grant permission" until they met him, but she knew that the deal was done and she would get help with her wedding, as well as have her family there.

She figured she had everyone fooled into thinking she was happy, too. But Luna ambushed her and surprised her.

"You're sick," Luna snapped, stopping her in the hallway of their small, modest home. "Your eyes are dark."

Lina wasn't in the mood; Luna's greeting earlier had been terrifying, and being seen through was even worse. "I'm not sick. I'm fine."

Luna's mouth set into a deeper frown. "You lost..."

Lina covered her sister's mouth and dragged her into he nearest room, slamming the door behind them. Luna wrestled her away and pushed her bangs out of her eyes, her eyes blazing. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Lina sneered. "It's none of your business. Gourry doesn't even know."

Luna paused. "It's more than that. Lina-chan, you don't look that much older. It's been a decade at the least, and you only look like three years have past."

Lina's blood turned to ice. _No, no,_ she pleaded silently, _please don't look through me like this. Please don't see me, don't see how I've been cursed._ The blood drained out of her face, and she said nothing.

Luna grabbed her, her eyes boring into hers. "You're touched," she spat, the words full of disgust. "You fool. You _idiot._ "

Lina shoved her away and stormed out of the room. She went to greet her parents in the next room, hiding under the cloak of cheerfulness, as if nothing bad had happened.

It was never mentioned again between them. Luna followed her lead, and pretended that she didn't know anything. It was only when decades started to go by without leaving their mark on Lina did Luna finally confess to knowing all along.

The look in their eyes, when her parents met her gaze, seeing her beside Gourry, who was getting older. The fear, the disgust, and even the jealousy. It made her want to destroy herself.

Until one-by-one, they died. One-by-one, they left her behind. It started with her mother, and ended with Amelia. Only she was left. Only she held the story.

Was it any wonder that she treated Xellos, the only other survivor, as she did? Intruding in her life, giving her gifts, taking them away, taunting her...tormenting her...reminding her how her life was ruined...

But even as she ran, she wondered why. Even when she ran out of breath and stood in the middle of the marketplace, gasping for air, she wondered why. She knew that Xellos wanted something. She knew that he wouldn't leave her alone until he got it. But what was it? Why had he waited so long?

She hunched over, hands on her knees, gasping for air. She had run down the entire coastline without break, as fast as she could, and found herself winded. Even with the youth she had, it wasn't immortality, and she still felt tired like any normal person. She shut her eyes, her head hanging down low.

 _I just want peace._

There was a sound of displaced air, and she didn't move, nor did she look up. She opened her eyes and saw his feet, and still didn't move. It was only when she felt his hand on the top of her head did she jerk away and slap at his hand. Xellos stood there, his hand held up, his face wearing an expression that cut into her.

"Wh-what the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded, her eyes wide.

His face was drawn with pain, and his other hand was to his chest. His complexion was ashen, and his eyes, wide open, were dim. He smiled weakly, it looking more like a grimace. "I don't know for sure, Miss Lina," he said honestly. "It appears that when I'm near you, it gets worse."

Despite being honest, it probably wasn't the best thing to say to her, and he realised it way too late. Her face went chalk white, her eyes wide, and she took a step back. With a sharp inhale of breath, Xellos felt the needles of her pain echo through the air.

Smiling weakly, Lina held up her hands. They shook. "I know you must have a motive that you need to pursue, Xellos," she said softly, her voice wobbling. "But clearly, even with you, all I do is bring people agony. I am grateful for what you've given me, but please," and here the smile left her face, becoming a mask of pain. "Please, leave me alone."

"Why?" Xellos wondered simply. Like before, he felt that deep pain in his core, but he wouldn't be deterred. He couldn't be deterred, not yet. "We're not so different, you and I."

"Exactly," Lina whispered. "I could see myself living out my days with you, losing myself. Losing my memories. I can't..."

Xellos hesitated. It would be easy to take advantage of how vulnerable and confused she was. It would be easy to manipulate her into thinking that taking the pledge was a good idea. But her eyes still flickered with that dim light of a loose grip on reality, and it stopped him.

 _Ah, Miss Lina,_ he thought, _if only you could have had it the way you wanted..._

And with a sudden sharp pain that made him see spots, he realised what was wrong with him, and it made him proud and terrified all at once. He finally had an answer.

"You told me back there that it was different for me," Xellos said slowly, taking care to mask his pain. "You said that I do not feel, nor do I care about the lives I toy with. And yet, before that, you also told me that I kept coming back to someone that I didn't and couldn't care about."

Lina slowly looked up, her face partially obscured by her hair. "So?" she answered. "It's true."

Xellos smirked. He shook his head slowly. "Miss Lina, what are Monsters?"

Lina gritted her teeth, refusing to answer. He answered for her. "We are Astral beings that feed off of the sorrow, anger and all that is in between of the human race. Our ultimate goal is to bring this world back to the Sea of Chaos, so that we can rule. You know that, don't you?"

Lina sighed. "Everyone knows that, idiot."

Xellos felt something snap inside him, and he reached forward and grabbed her by the shoulders. Her anger flared up, and her hands went out to defend herself, but one look in his eyes froze her blood and held her hands still.

"Miss Lina," Xellos said softly, his voice contorted with pain. "You can imagine that if a Monster feels anything opposite of those things, it would be like poison, don't you think?"

Lina felt her mouth go dry. She felt light-headed all of a sudden. "Shut up," she snapped. "Just shut _up_."

His eyes, she realised, weren't dim; they were bright. Bright with his pain, surely, but also bright with something else. _Knowledge? Realisation?_

"I had to think about it," Xellos continued, letting go of her shoulders. She stepped back, but didn't go too far. "While you ran, I had to think about what it was that was causing me pain. It took me much too long to get it. Sometimes I wonder how stupid Monsters are in these matters."

" _Shut up_ ," she repeated. Xellos smiled faintly.

"Miss Lina, the real reason for my sudden interest in you is simple," he went on, the smile gone. He was serious, she realised. She listened. "Your life is being wasted on what you're doing. You have been given a immense gift that could be used on something better. But life has dealt you a bad hand, and you're losing your mind," he said this last part gently, but Lina winced all the same.

"Take the Pledge of Immortality, Miss Lina," he said, his voice close to a plea. "I don't think I could stand to watch you die, no matter how long it took."

The words shocked her. They were so honest, so open, that they took the words of refusal from her mouth. She stared at him. He stared back.

And then, the most shocking happened: it was like she was decades younger. She leaned back, smiled angrily, and shook her head. "Sorry," she said, her voice thick with anger, "but I won't sell my soul for companionship."

Xellos narrowed his eyes. He didn't say a word, and she took that as a hint. She turned on her heel and started back towards the seaport.

It was only when she felt the smothering shock of sudden bloodlust that she realised that she had made a terrible mistake. She turned, moving as fast as she could to the side, but her moves were too slow, too hesitant. It was like some foolish part of her refused to accept what was happening, and it spelt her doom.

The blast of dark energy that erupted from Xellos was one based on instinct. That defiance, that arrogance that Lina had displayed when rejected him hurt him right to the core, right at the seat of his pride, and as was his nature, he reacted the only way he could: to inflict pain in order to get even. He tried to call it back, but it was far too late, and he had to watch. He made himself watch.

It burst forward, crashing right in through Lina's left side. She felt it burn through skin, through flesh and blood and bone, and she couldn't even cry out. She staggered, clutching at her side feebly, desperate not to show pain, but a moment later the pain kicked in, and she fell, first to her knees, then to the ground on her front.

Xellos stood, his hand out, his eyes wide. He was frozen, the pain within him screaming out and spreading up and down his core. He could feel the dozens of eyes on him and Lina, hear the screams and shouts of panic, but all he could see was her, lying prone on the cold concrete ground, her life's blood spreading out and creating a stain of bright red.

Slowly, he walked over to her, still disbelieving what he had just done. He felt her pain and her fury in the air, and when he knelt down at her side, he could see it on her face. Her eyes, barely open, were narrow and blazing with hate and betrayal.

Something in him seemed to snap again, and he reached down, grabbing her up by her arms again. She moaned, biting her lip, and he could feel her blood on him, hot and sticky, but he ignored it. He looked into her eyes, and shouted, without realising he was shouting, "Take the pledge!"

Lina glared at him, her world one of fiery pain and intense anger. Slowly, she shook her head. "I would rather _die_ ," she spat, blood dribbling from her lips.

"You _will_ die!" Xellos snapped, his voice breaking. "Take the pledge!"

Lina shook her head, slower this time. As the seconds passed, her vision was dimming, and his voice was going softer and softer, even as he shouted.

Xellos could not only see it, but feel it, happening. The emotions in the air were waning in their potency, and he could sense the lingering of death around her like a cowl. Desperately, he pulled her closer, holding her so tightly it hurt. He felt as if he was clutching at mist. "Take the pledge, Miss Lina," he pleaded.

Lina could barely feel him holding her, could barely hear him. Her eyes were still open, but they were unfocused. She was looking to the side, away from Xellos. She could see...something. It was incredibly bright, and seemed more real than Xellos.

Xellos watched her eyes dim, watched them lose their focus, and he shook her again. "You need to take the pledge, _now_ ," he pleaded.

And then it happened. It was sudden, but it happened. Lina's eyes slowly filled with tears, and she smiled faintly. She spoke, her voice barely audible. "Oh," she said, in disbelief. "Gourry...you waited for me..."

Xellos felt as if he had been encased with ice. The moment the last word left her lips, the light went out in her eyes, and he could feel her life leave her body. Her eyes didn't close, but the tears fell, and she suddenly felt heavy and empty.

Xellos shook his head, then looked away. His eyes focused on something, anything but the look in her eyes, the look that wasn't a look. The pain throbbed deep inside of him, but he ignored it, the shock of what he had just seen, and done, rendering him uncaring.

He held her tight, even as the crowds gathered around them. He wouldn't let go, even when the local authorities demanded that he did so, even when the local Healers tried to resuscitate Lina. It was only when he felt something hot run down his cheek and fall into her hair that he had to leave. He phased out, quite suddenly, leaving Lina behind him.

He wished that he could leave it all behind him.


	12. Epilogue

From his corner of the Astral Plane, Xellos watched a group of strangers and distant relatives bury Lina beside Gourry. It had taken them a long time to figure who Lina had been, and where her hometown was, but once they did, the procedures went by him like a blur. He didn't help, in any way, nor did he take any part in it. He merely watched, the constant pain within his chest growing with each second.

It angered him a little, that these people had the audacity to even say anything about her, someone they had barely known. Most of Lina's living relatives were either dead or too distantly removed to remember her for what she had been, instead of what rumours claimed she was. It was almost enough for him to break his silence.

As he watched the final moments of the funeral, he felt an overwhelming presence behind him, but he didn't move, nor did he look away. Soon, he felt long, perfectly manicured fingers bite into his shoulders. He exhaled sharply, his eyes closing, his body going limp in the iron grasp.

"Mother," he said weakly. He rarely ever called her that, but at the moment, he was so out of personal control that he lacked the ability to care.

"You failed, little Xellos," Zelas said dispassionately. He could easily sense her displeasure in the cool voice. "You wasted your time, and now you're damaged beyond my control."

Xellos managed a short laugh. "Damaged?" he echoed.

One hand slid down from his shoulder and gripping into his chest, on the left side. "I can feel your pain," Zelas answered. "You're dying."

He nodded slowly. "Yes," he agreed simply.

"You _loved_ ," Zelas concluded, her voice thick with disgust.

"Eventually," Xellos nodded, his gaze on the event before them.

"You're _useless_ to me now."

"Yes," Xellos whispered.

The hand on his chest dug in hard, and he felt a sudden stab of bright hot pain. His eyes opened, then shut tight. He hunched forward, but Zelas held him up, pressing him to her.

"A shame," she said calmly. "You were my best creation. To be wasted like this...a shame..."

Xellos smiled weakly. "Inevitable," he answered softly.

"Who was it?" Zelas demanded. "Who did this to you?"

"Ah, Mother," Xellos whispered, feeling his very essence fade away. He surrendered to it, relaxing into it. "That is a secret."

Zelas held him tight until the last glimmers of his Astral form vanished into nothing. She dropped her hands, staring at the boring human ritual before her. For a moment, she felt regret, but it was quickly swallowed by ambition.

Perhaps a General this time, she thought idly, walking away, leaving the scene behind her.


End file.
